Birthday Musing: Singing Just As I Am Supposed to Do

“Our life as individual beings can be, most of the time, likened to the things we love. Life for some can be likened to a movie, a road, an infinity pool, or a race (if they seem to like living life on the fast lane). But I would like to liken my own life to a thing I absolutely love: songs. Whether I’m on my tub, or travelling on my way to work or simply listening to a good friend sing her heartwarming songs (I hope she does not read this, joke!), songs are a good way of self-expression and communication.”  

This was what I wrote a few months back about the songs of life and friendship. This time, as I sang this song [Air Supply, "Just as I am"] on the karaoke, I remembered this essay and thought: “maybe I can make this into the theme song of my 20^th birthday and stuff….”, and so forgive this long musing about my life into a song.

“I've had a lot of big dreams
I've made a lot of bad moves
I know you could walk away
But you never do”

Honestly, being 20 is the time where I can sort out my childhood ideals from the real situation nowadays. At this time, I can already sense what its being like to be a real grown-up.

At this time, I can especially remember my dreams: I wished to have a good life, a good education, to be good in the important things in life, and finally, to become a good priest. And I have done quite a lot to achieve those dreams: I’m already almost halfway in my priestly formation. I’ve struggled through thick and thin to persevere and to be happy in my chosen vocation; and I am happy about it.

At this point, I can also remember the many failures I did against those dreams of mine: I overdid my things, I forgot things, and I did not do the things that I am supposed to do. I swerved off from my path…

But I am blessed because people still never walk away from me;  they still believe in me, hoping that I can become their priest, their good brother and friend later on.

“I've met a lot of cold hearts
I've learned to smile and deceive
I know I'm hard to be around
But you never leave

                                                           I'm not easy to understand                                                             But you hold out your hand”

“I've made a lot of heartaches

I've found a lot of closed doors

When all the others turn away

You love me more”

One of the biggest pains of human existence is being hurt. On my part, the biggest hurts that I have experienced was those that I received from those whom I trusted the most: my community, my friends and from myself. I always thought that living in a Christian community was a welcome respite from the harshness of the secular world. I was mistaken: I was abused by those whom I trusted the most.

And so, instead of learning to open up, I have eventually learned to close myself further. I played people for my ends and not my ends for these people. I have almost become anti-social again, but I guess because of the faith and hope of some people, I have learned to accept people for who they are, and love them for who they are now and even until tomorrow.

“And you say you love me
Just as I am
You always treat me
The best that you can
You say you want me, need me
Love me baby
Just as I am, just as I am”

And I thank God for all of these people who have made the past 19 or so years meaningful and blessed for me. I thank above all, my family, for supporting me even in the best or worst decisions I made. For my friends, for guiding me towards making what is right, and for being a good cheering squad in my moments of loss. For the seminary community; sometimes my enemy, but most of the time, always, my good friends.

And for a good God who has never ceased to love me, treat me well, accepted me for who I am, and call me to a better way of responding to his call for the past 19 years. And to him I owe my existence, my vocation and my current life: since this is Your gift, I offer it back to You, hoping that you will lead me to where I can use my gifts to the full.

And that’s my birthday speech. Thanks and I’m off to praying again for all of you. Cheers!

Heart-to-Heart: She fell in love with a seminarian....

Love….

It simply happens suddenly, and yes, it’s magic!

Two people from different streams of life: two different, unique and equally special persons meet in some unforeseen circumstance, flash the sweetest smiles in the universe and “poof” comes Koko Crunch, not really, but in reality, love.

And as the minutes, hours, days, months, years go by… how their eyes look at each other (as if it were enough to melt the other with their gaze), how they talk to each other (their tongues would have been filled with ants when both of them go to bed), how they do everything together (as if the world became a better place with only the two of them), and how both of them live as if one couldn’t exist without the other…. Hayy, the feeling of love! Love that could turn the whole world round... Love that made them better each and every day.

She would always make it a point that they meet each other on weekends, eat at some nice food joint, and walk around the mall.  He on the other hand would make sure that she will enjoy the day, and come home before 5:30 pm. The guy could not text or chat her all the time, and so they would enjoy this moment together…. How sweet!

And suddenly, came the harsh part. The woman knew something about the man of her dreams, her Mr. Right… and it made her eyes stream with tears…

Her man was ….

Gay? (No, she knew him very well)

A married guy? (How could he be married at 18?)

A two-timer? (Not really, but how could he be such when he does not even know dating 101)

No, not of these three. Really…. (Sheesh!)

Her special someone was a seminarian.

You read it right, a man taken out of the world to be sent back an “angel”, a “half-priest” (for most Filipinos) waiting for the moment of fullness, a man consecrated to the Lord’s service…  A seminarian!

And for countless hours, she pondered on it, and it left her on a quandary…

He on the other hand, was always in a quandary. Love was never a part of his logic class. Mostly theoretical, but oftentimes, never experiential… He was taught to shun it, as if it were the worst thing that could befall his life as a seminarian… And now love as experience bursts on, and he is but left helpless about it....

But before we go deontological, quote Canon Law and Vatican II about this, let us talk about matters heart-to-heart.

____________________________________________________________________________

A word to the seminarian:

You entered the Seminary because you clearly saw yourself as a future priest. It was presented to you as early as the moment you stepped there that those who proceed must have priesthood as a goal…

Yes, and it remains true. The Seminary is a place for future priests, not for those who use the education there as a means only!

But isn’t it that as you traversed the joys and pains of seminary life, you also were slowly opened to the possibility of being a married man because of the woman you so love? Did you feel happy in those moments you spent with her? Did she become your inspiration in studying the hardest philosophical questions? Did she become your strength in times of weakness?

And did it distract you from your supposed calling?

And upon thinking of it, especially when it is pointed out by some deontological formator, or by reading your Rule, or upon remembering your motivation… did you feel guilty about it? Did you feel that you are betraying God, and that having her was a great sin, worthy of excommunication (if that were to become a law in the Code)?

Dear brother, yes, the Seminary is a place for future priests, but it is above all, a place to discern and listen to the Lord’s voice speaking from almost all directions. If that were the case that everyone in your batch is to be ordained (even against their will), will it benefit the Church better than having one or two ordinands each year who truly present themselves to the Lord for the presbyteral grace?

This moment of love is not something to be guilty of; this, my brother is a chance to look at what you are having right now…. This is a moment of seeing what it is to be a priest and a married man placed side-by-side. As a future priest, you are expected to live a celibate life: a life without fleshly attachments, a life that speaks to others of the reality above… Yet, part of you also desires to have someone to hold and cherish, someone to build a world with, and someone to share a dream with. 

This moment will become your defining moment: what you decide on now or later will determine you. Life and God demands that you choose one; and both entail making sacrifices.

And this is really the point, brother: this is your moment of truth. Choose! And, do not be afraid of the choice you make: the Church will still be happy to have you as a “father”, not of the institutional Church, but of your own “domestic” Church… and the Church will also be happy to see you, her son, become an “alter-Christus”…God has been generous to you in every step of the way, now you must choose how to respond to God generously… Disregard the rule, the formator, the persons in between, and start asking yourself this question; “If I become married/ordained someday, will it please God and help the Church increase?”

But as of now, it is good to have your eyes open on every possible side. Vocation, as you know, is not only for priests and religious….

A word to the woman-in-love:

You loved that guy because you saw God in his eyes. You loved him because he meant everything for you. Yet, I can feel your sadness because of the fact that this guy is a seminarian: someone meant not for you, but for the whole Church.

You knew that once a man entered the Seminary, the whole Church expects him to become a priest. In fact, it seems that as the formative years passes by, the Church gets more excited to see him ordained soon.

And amidst all of that dreaming and expectation, amidst those who pray for him to fully respond to the call of the Harvest-Master, was you. You wanted his touch and his smile: you wanted him and his love. And that, my dear, is not wrong. That is how all marriages start, all relationships blossom and flower, all intimacy firing up. Yet the problem lies on the fact that he is called. He is called to something else.

And this is now also your moment of truth. You are not fighting with someone sexier, hotter or prettier than you are. You believe in this person also, and you love Him as well: God. Now is your generosity and faith measured: how much do you love God?

And if he chooses you, how happy must you be! You are assured of loving someone who is expected to be a very good Christian: a Christian in mind, thought and deed. It is then your task to sanctify him so that he can in turn, sanctify you.

But if he opts to cling to his alb, it will obviously hurt for you. But then again, be comforted that he is not with someone else, but with someone whom you love too… At first, you will ask God “why are you doing this to me; why are you so unfair?”, but later you will also experience God’s assuring love and comfort: if you know how to let him go…

My dear, at this moment everyone holds their breath, waiting for his definitive answer. But as of now, help him to decide maturely: do not make him regret his decision. Because you see, later on, what you do to him will also affect you.

A word to everyone-in-between:

I only have one thing to say; stop judging!

The priesthood is never a more sublime vocation than marriage. Both exist to help each other, and for the Church to grow in its various charisms. What would happen if all the Catholic men in this world opted to become priests? Or what would happen if all the lovely ladies opted to shut themselves in monastic or religious life? Everything, obviously will be in kaput.

Do not confuse their decision-making process. It is but normal and expected of them. Instead, guide them gently towards making a definitive answer. Whatever their decision, everyone must support; eventually, the whole Church benefits from this process. (And shunned must be the harsh after-remarks of priest-formators in their homilies and of benefactors in their morning coffees!)

These are two people who need direction, who seek the truth. Now, we are all instruments of God, and whatever we do for or against them will affect us in the long run.

You see, behind all of these vocations is LOVE.

____________________________________________________________________________

As the Canticles of Solomon would usually say, “love is stronger than Hades or the strongest flood”, given by God himself. Being and falling in love is a good experience: vocation is really falling-in-love with God and finding a definite way to express that love.

Love, for these two individuals, forbidden it may seem, helps them to discern well. Each has a task to play. Each has a role to fulfill. What lies in our hands is the future of the Church, and our own future as well.

Choose! 

T-shirt anyone?

Be careful of misquoting Francis, people....

Be authentic!

Paradigm Shifting: Formation as Life in Christ

“And yet, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?” (Lk 18:8)

As a seminary community, we are faced with different problems: the lack of vocations, the decreasing number of seminarians proceeding to the Theology department, the lack of effectivity and depth in our formation, among many others. Most of us wonder why these things are happening, of why these results are happening even in a formation program deemed okay and near-perfect. What we have not looked further as a community is our own particular point-of-view, our paradigms regarding our priestly formation in the Seminary.

Most of us enter the Seminary with a not-so-clear motivation for becoming a priest; like “I want to serve God and his people”, “I want to celebrate the Eucharist and the Sacraments”, among others. And when they enter the College Seminary, they find themselves questioning their own (and often borrowed) motivations. Why? It is because they have not focused themselves on discernment and they have begun over-rationalizing themselves. For them, Philosophy (and getting the degree) is an end in itself: leave the spiritual aspects to the theologians. They have now seen rationality as an end-all of college formation. As a result, they wouldn’t listen to God deeply and clearly, and then would establish themselves as the "main actor" of their vocation. “Why would I ponder on my vocation when I can just simply weigh in/decide where I am to go? Besides, it is better to be rationally practical these days!”

The adage is true: bad formation produces bad fruits. We wonder why we have difficulties in vocation promotion, no matter what strategy we use. We wonder why ex-seminarians do not even practice their Faith in their lives outside, or of some who become philosophy teachers who teach hatred of God through atheistic philosophy. Above all, we wonder why those who have passed through their formation successfully and have become ordained priests are becoming “not-so-good” models of the Christian life, and are much more visible in places of recreation rather than in church, leading the faithful to prayer. All of these are results of a wrong paradigm: formation as being solely about the self, and not about the Lord. Seminary life for them is simply a test of personal endurance, and not of willingness to serve the Lord. They have not developed an intimate and well-founded familiarity with God in their seminary formation.

Now that we are conscious of the effects of a “self-oriented” formation, we then ask ourselves of what formation should really be, or of what orientation we should have as seminarians. This year’s theme should give us a clear picture of what it must be: “For to me, living is Christ” (Phil 1:21). Our formation as seminarians should focus on the Lord, and not much on ourselves. Seminary life is about following the Lord, the Master, wherever he goes, no matter where he leads us. It is about imbibing and forming in ourselves the very image of Christ.

In the Gospels, we see that Christ invested the three years of his public ministry in forming the apostles along with the Church he established. Why? This is so because he wants the apostles, imperfect though they may be, to imbibe his very life and message. (In modern parlance, an intensive “on-the-job training” with Christ) The apostles are chosen not because they are perfect, smart, or skilled enough, but they are chosen because of their capacity for closeness with Jesus: they go wherever he goes, they do whatever he wills.

The seminary formation should somehow be like that: it should focus itself on producing good disciples of the Lord, good members of the Church, who will eventually become good and holy priests in the vineyard of the Lord. It should have as its goal “familiaritas cum Deo”, an intimate knowledge of God and His Will.

And with that focus clear enough, we ask; what is the role of Philosophy for a seminarian? For him, Philosophy should not become an end-in-itself, but it should trigger him to deeper contemplation of himself in God’s light. Philosophy, as we have been taught a lot of times, is a handmaid of theology. Reason is and must become a tool for self-transformation, which should lead to openness to the grace of the Spirit and the workings of God. With that in hand, the seminarian can then enrich his union with God through theological studies: he knows more and more the God whom he loves with his whole being. (As St. Augustine succinctly puts it, “noverim Te, noverim me”, that is, “knowing myself is knowing You better”.) And after that, he can now be ready to be sent out to bring God’s saving love as a priest.

Hence, a college seminarian should equally take subjects of spiritual matter with the same passion he has for his philosophical subjects. Catechesis will and should be devoured by him as voraciously as he does with his Epistemology and Metaphysics subjects. Spirituality classes will also become relevant to him as his Contemporary Religious Questions class. His study time will also become as equally necessary to him as his prayer time. (And, he does not rationalize himself out of his religious/pastoral obligations as a seminarian in his breaks!)

Eventually, whenever we are sent out on pastoral activities, or on vacations and short breaks, people will not ask us how much we know about this-and-that philosopher, or about the challenges of modern-day relativism, but they will ask us a lot about God, Christ and the Church. When we will become priests (hopefully), we will not teach primarily about the faults in Platonic, Marxist and Sartrean philosophy, but we will preach to many of how we will combat the lurking presence of evil in the world today. When some of us will be (unfortunately) sent out of the Seminary, or (eventually) decides to do so, people will still expect us to live as good Christians, models to our fellow young people. These are enough reasons why we should take a God-oriented, Christocentric formation very seriously.

Finally, it is always made clear to us in formation that each one is called to live a Christian life; each one is called to the sanctification of his daily activities. And if we are but overtly and unhealthily focused on ourselves, and not on God, it is but a stumbling block to the call of holiness. Seminary formation teaches us about our true priority, which is God, and our true mission, which is building up his Kingdom with our lives. And I do hope and pray that when Christ comes (even to XACOSE); he will find us faithful and trusting in His Will, ready to listen to his voice. 

A prayer for a deceased grandmother

We praise you, Father.

We praise you because you are infinitely loving and merciful to us, your children.

We praise you because you are the Lord of Life, from whom all life finds its origin and goal.

We praise you because you indeed love us so much, that you sent Jesus Christ, our brother, to teach us how to live and die in your comforting and calm embrace.

We praise you because you sent us the Holy Spirit, who will inspire us to live our lives in accord with Jesus.

We thank you, Father, for giving us Mama Lola.

She is a gift from You to all of us who are here today.

She is a wonderful gift from You that must now come back to You.

Thank you for giving us a wonderful mother, sister, friend, grandmother, companion like her.

In her life, she endeavored to serve You through loving her family, through being with her friends and companions, through helping her neighbors, through loving and serving you in the Church, and finally, through embracing Your will in sickness and in pain.

Thank you for giving us an example to imitate, a legacy to follow, a memory to cherish, a sister to emulate.

But we recognize Father, that her life, like ours, and of the many others who are also Your children, is short.

There will indeed come a time when we will have to commend ourselves to You in full, a time where we will leave the world regardless of who we are, of what we have done and what we have not done.

We acknowledge that Mama Lola is your gift, which You can call back to yourself.

We acknowledge that one day, she too will pass on to eternity, and find eternal happiness with you in Heaven.

And this is the time for it.

It pains us, Lord, to be separated from her.

It pains us to be away from her: from her motherly gaze and care. It pains us not to see her when we gather again as a family, as a community, as a people living in this world.

She does not belong anymore to our world: she now belongs to You.

God of the living and of the dead, God of eternal consolation, help us to realize: that death is not merely the end of things, but it is indeed a beginning.

Help us to realize that death may create an extremely long distance from us, but it does not break the bonds of love and unity we have forged in our lives.

Help us to realize that when someone dies, she does not go alone before God: she carries our hearts, our love and our prayers before Your presence, Lord.

Help us to accept this reality of passing, of being in this temporary world.

Help us to continue her legacy of love, generosity, kindness and fidelity to prayer in our own lives.

At this moment of pain, sorrow and loss, unite us as one, as we remember her life here on earth: may her life be the source of our inspiration and courage as we face our own lives.

At this moment of grieving, place in our hearts your peace, your abiding presence that we may learn wisdom of heart.

For us who are still alive, her sisters, children, relatives, friends and companions, help us to offer Her to you.

Into your hands, Lord, we commend our beloved Mama Lola.

We are confident that you will look on us, her and your children, and hear our prayer.

Grant her a peaceful rest now and until that day, when after our earthly exile, and our individual passing from this world, we will be able to see her joyful in the presence of the saints and angels in Heaven, where You dwell for all eternity. Amen.

As the sun sets

In the liturgical rule, the sunset signifies the start of all Holy Feasts in the Church. It usually begins with the office of Vespers on this particular feast day. Its message tells us that we must spiritually prepare, both our minds and our bodies, in order to condition ourselves as we celebrate this particular feast.

Tomorrow, before the sun sets, we will return to our spiritual home, which is the Seminary. Summer has been good to us; for two months we were able to take a rest from the rigors of the life in the seminary, we have cherished memories, both joyful and painful, and we have prepared ourselves before returning as 3rd year college seminarians.

It will be sad that to see some of our comrades didn't make it to the recommendation list made by priests and some voluntarily left, and will not be with us in this new chapter of our journey. We are very uncertain if we will be able to finish our studies in the seminary, but with God's help, we will overcome all trials and reach to the top.

So please, our dear followers, unceasingly pray for us that may God, by his loving grace, mold us to become good seminarians and become one of His great priests.

May 29: Blessed Rolando Rivi and the modern seminarian

 

So far, we have posted on the blog two articles which touched on the life and virtues of Blessed Rolando Rivi: one, which deals about his dedication to Christ, the other on his fidelity to the seminary life, which is found in his love for his cassock.

Now, after these two articles, we (modern seminarians) can ask ourselves: after seeing the life and virtues of the blessed martyr, what can he teach us today and how can we live out the same courage and bravery of Rolando in our present (less-dangerous, perhaps) age.

First, as we have said, Rolando is a model of dedication to Christ. Every seminarian knows that the seminary is a path of self-transformation in order to become an “alter Christus”. If we take seriously the formation we have willingly undertaken, we will find ourselves joyfully announcing to the world: “Io sono di Gesu” “we belong to Jesus”. And this belongingness to Christ must not be limited to words, but it should permeate every action and thought that we have as well. Eventually, this affinity to Jesus will help us generously offer ourselves to the Church whom we will love and serve as future priests.

Second, Rolando is the model of a faithful son of the Church. His fidelity to seminary formation, even to the smallest detail (the faithful wearing of his cassock), is a shining example that must be held before the eyes of every seminarian and priest. He may be young, but his example is a silent yet strong testimony for all of us. Whenever we find ourselves complaining of the seminary routine, or whenever we find seminary life monotonous, boring and useless, let us try to remember again the example of countless seminarians who have found happiness and sanctity in their formation. No matter where the seminary road may take us, let us take it as an opportunity to imbibe intense love for the Church.

Finally, Rolando is a shining example of sacrifice. Seminary formation is truly a life of sacrifice: the not-so-good atmosphere is constantly a challenge for us, especially for those who are accustomed to a good life. And when faced with the opportunity to sacrifice, we must not shrink from it nor embrace it with grudges: let us imitate our Lord and Blessed Rolando, who went to the altar of sacrifice, their Calvary with a smile on their face, with love in their hearts and with an intense love for the Church.

May Blessed Rolando inspire us to become more like Jesus everyday, so as to become good and faithful servants in the vineyard of the Lord!

                           

O God,

merciful Father,

who chose the small 

to confound the powerful of the world,

we thank You for having given us, 

in the seminarian Rolando Rivi,

a testimony of total love

for Your Son, Jesus, and the Church,

unto the sacrifice of his life.

Enlightened by this example, 

and through Rolando’s intercession,

we ask You to give us the strength 

to be always living signs of Your love in the world,

and we beg You to grant us the grace of [here state your petitions],

which we ardently desire.

Amen.