“Fear not, I am with you, I have called you by name, you are
mine!’
Unlike many others who have dramatic vocation histories,
mine is a classic story of being called from childhood, surviving temptations
in high school, and finally entering the seminary.
Dramatic or not, with effects or plainly simple, what’s
important really is heeding the right call, being in the right place and ending
up with the right vocation.
Here’s how I ended up becoming a seminarian…..
‘Fear not!”
Any encounter with God usually starts with fearful
reverence. (But that isn’t so much “the” case for me…)
When I was a small child, maybe a couple of years old, I
would usually scream and panic with all the shouting and crying whenever I saw
large images of Saints, and especially the giant Crucifix which hung at the
sanctuary of whatever church we happened to attend Mass in.
But this funny yet sorry state did not last long as I
grew up. I soon began to admire small statues of saints and would often kiss
them as much as I played with Power Rangers, huge teddy bears and licked spoons
of melted sugar for banana-que…. All of my relatives have fond memories of me
going to the altar of each home and asking if I could see a pious image or a
small book… and try have them as well!
Time on, I learned how to pray from my parents and
relatives, and before I realized it, I was already leading the Rosary when I
was in Grade One. (That sure confused my relatives!)
‘I am with you!”
As I studied in Assumption College of Davao for the rest
of my elementary and high school years, I have felt the calm and gentle
presence of the Lord guiding me to making the right decision.
From Kinder One to Fourth Year HS, my favorite subject
was Religious Education (ReEd), and anyone, whether teacher or classmate, if
asked about this, would answer that I was good in this subject. Why?
In this subject, I was tutored on how to pray
deeper-and-deeper. Prayer gave me that feeling of calmness and comfort; I felt
that God was the best Friend I knew, and that I should maintain frequent
contact with him. I also learned to be
good and upright from the lessons I learned from ReEd.
This subject became an opener for me to other subjects.
Church History introduced me to Social Studies. A sense of wonder in Creation
led me to appreciate Science. The need for comprehension of books and materials
naturally led me to learning English and Filipino. And others…
Finally, ReEd helped me discern my vocation…to which we
will arrive later.
When I was in Grade Four, one of our teachers, Sir
Fromencio Payac, approached me and asked me if I was willing to become an altar
boy for our school. I immediately agreed and began practicing with the servers
for the Mass. I learned how to serve the Mass in a matter of months, and I was
given the cassock and surplice to wear as a server.
Serving has become a moment of grace for me, and I relish
those moments when I studied and learned by heart the rubrics for Holy Mass. If
I had not become a server, my discernment would have become pretty hard as
well.
I served at school and at our local BEC (basic ecclesial
community), which I preferred to the parish church because of its closeness to
home.
Being an altar server usually meant that I must be a
model of goodness to others and that I must spend time in prayer and study.
These two I already practiced, but with the goodness of God, I added my effort
to pray at the Chapel and to help others, especially in terms of faith and
morals.
“I have called you
by name…”
High School is a time of transition and change. Drooling
and snotty people become guys and gals, pushy and funny playmates become campus
hunks and crushes, and bookworms either die or go intensely nuts!
While others became busy with presenting themselves
before their crushes, going out “en grande” to malls and other places of
leisure, I became busy with studying the Faith and the rubrics of the Mass
seriously. I spent times in places like the library, sacristy, the convent of
the sisters and bookstores. I seriously pored over theological materials that
would have sent others scurrying!
I also began to do a ministry which I am active until
now: ministry in social media. From sharing the Gospel through statuses,
posting pics of saints in Flickr and posting commentary in blogs… I tried to
make the most of my gifts and of my free time in doing the work of God and of
inspiring others to work for God.
But these never separated me from the reality I was in. I
had some friends and enemies as well… helped others in their academic
endeavors, and became engrossed in online media (maintaining a blog, a Flickr
page and a FB account at the same time is no small feat!)…
But what differentiated me from others really was my
openness towards a particular vocation in life: priesthood. They already knew
about it and they felt that I was weird enough to take the position! (As if
priests were species of a different genus that suddenly sprouted out from
somewhere!)
I loved the thought of becoming a priest someday. Wearing
the priestly vestments, presiding over the Mass and blessing people was a dream
that made a mark on my mind and on every work I did.
I was inspired by several priest-relatives I met along
the way and I admired the way how they celebrated the Mass and blessed people
and objects… I would often say to myself: “Soon, I’ll be able to do this!”
A year in High School particularly struck me: Third Year.
Here my resolves would be tested for the first time. Here, I gained a whole lot
of friends, lessened enemies and be attracted to some women because of their
inner and outer beauty (not to mind their active minds!)… Here, I started to
wonder and ask whether I was also suited for other forms of Christian life,
namely, single-blessedness and marriage…
But the Lord seemed to have other plans for me.
‘You are mine...”
A year later, in Fourth Year, when the second semester
opened, many of my classmates already had a course in their minds. They already
applied to whatever school they wished to study in. But I was clueless and
confused at that time. I had no idea which course I should take… I asked myself
and my parents: ‘Will this course be okay for me?” ‘Will I land a good job with
this after graduation?”
My ReEd teacher was an ex-seminarian of XACOSE (St.
Francis Xavier College Seminary), and he suggested to me that I should take the
search-in with religious congregations. I took one at the Redemptorist Fathers,
but I did not continue for some reason. He then suggested to me that I should
have a search-in at XACOSE, but I postponed it until sometime later… But because
of that, I began thinking seriously of entering the seminary.
Retreat Day. February 2011. When all of my classmates
turned it into a bonding session, I used it strictly and used it for
contemplation and prayer. I strictly did the Retreat and asked God if I should
enter the seminary or not.
The answer came on the night when we had our Holy Hour. I
felt that God was telling me to enter the seminary and to try living out the
priestly life, and if I decided that it was not for me, then he would also
accompany me out. I wished to cry, but I could not, since some were already
laughing at the side when I was deep in prayer. But at least, the coast is
clear, I should enter the seminary.
March. Graduation came and we all said farewell to the
school that welcomed us for a time. We had to move on from where we were then.
I remembered the advice of our teacher and decided to join a search-in. I
joined a search-in on March 15 and passed. I then asked the blessing of my
parents to enter the seminary. They had some qualms about it, but later they
gave their blessing.
And that’s how I entered the seminary and became a
seminarian. Part 2 will come after a week or so, which will tackle some of the
important events in my life as a seminarian for two years.
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