The Troll )
13 April 2015
Saturday of the Third Week of Easter
Holy Spirit Adoration Convent, Davao
Dear Malone,
I hope you do have the guts and the courage to read this. I am very, very, very frank this time, and I am not taking any limits to writing here. I speak here in a very truthful, human and frank way.
One of the characteristic traits of the modern world is 'amor proprio', that is, love of self. From taking selfies to eating food and drinking up to the bottle all by oneself, the modern man is trained to become cognizant of his own needs, his own wants, his own desires, his own self. And so, the modern person, or the modern kid/teenager grows up to 'worship' or 'adore' a trinity of "Me, myself and I".
But what most of us, individual persons collectively taken, forget is that when we often look at ourselves, we often forget others in the picture. When we narrow down to what we will do in a particular situation, we often overlook at what will happen to others as a result of what we do. Similarly, our reaction to that particular reaction will affect others as well.
And with this so-called "primacy of the self", comes three major falls in relationships:
1. Your relationship with your authentic self- You immediately forget your true nature: you are a community!(If we are to take up Fr. Sensei on this point) you are a person for others! (I do hope Ateneans read this point) you are a SOCIAL being! (if we are to take modern psychology...)
This is a truth that demands to be told daily: your self worth is determined by the time and by the effort you give to others, your dignity is not really something based inherently, but it is looked at a communitarian viewpoint.
And that is the authentic self.
2. Your relationship with others- It takes two to tango, two to boogie, two to cha-cha, and one to do budots (which is not part of the main idea, anyway!). The dance of life demands two or more people to fully swing it into rhythm. Your mom did not do it alone, she needed Dad to get her into the game of motherhood. You did not grow up alone socially, you needed your friends.... You do not love alone, it is not real love if it happens. You do not love shadow versions of others, you love who they are, them with all their faults, weaknesses and imperfections.
If you begin loving your self too much, your relationships with others tangle up. Because unknowingly, you play persons to achieve ends, not things to achieve a better sense of community (which is legitimate, anyhow!).
3. Your relationship with God- God is a community of persons: Father, Son and Spirit. Their unity of love is the model of human existence. Man is called not only to live, but to exist. Existence denotes three things: communion with self, others and God. Lose one and you fail to exist in the minds and hearts of others.
If you love the self, God will then be for you a commodity, a dummy that can be controlled to your whim. If he acts to your favor, happy are you! If he doesn't, you suddenly ask 'what's wrong with the world/God/universe?' when you are the one who is actually in trouble. If you happen to be in ministry, love of God is NOT anymore the main reason for ministry/service. You end up doing everything for your own ends.
And that's the three major falls that happen as a result of amor proprio.
Blame it on modern ideology, technology, faulty family background or even as early on in academics you were trained to excel and outsmart, outplay, outshine others.... But the crux of the matter rests on what you do with yourself. What you are is not defined by these things; believe me that will not last long. What will last long is a good name, a good character and a good number of people who will say to themselves: "this man or woman lived short/long, and it was fruitful".
The self is a very tricky person to play with. It can make or break you, depending on how you play with it. But the way of perfecting the self comes from the very letters of the word "self". Remember, you are called to:
S-ervice
E-xcellence
L-ove
F-idelity
and that's the remedy for egoistic mentality. That's how we overcome too much love of self.
________________________________________
Here, to be direct about everything...
I reminded you from time to time that I am not perfect, I am a person bound to fail, and especially to fail your expectations, or probably your feelings. And if you leave me hanging next time without telling me why, you are making me worry very much, without your knowledge. Hence, I am constantly praying not only for myself (for pardon or some sort of strength), but for you (that you may realize, that you can understand) everyday.
If I had told you things in a brutal manner, forgive me for it was simply me and my faulty head. (I admit, I do have the same problems as you have) Yet, openness was a key factor when we begun communicating. We defined it well.... And this was what I simply asked of you. And now you are barring it from me... are you still you, Malone?
And finally, here are three questions, Malone, before we talk again:
1. Have you thought of what may happen if you listened to your self alone when in "down" moments? Have you realized what distance means to other people?
2. Have you thought of failure as an important test of any relationship. If I fail, does it mean I am not anymore your friend?
3. You know that I am very quick to forgive, but not to forget: what can you do in this situation to help remedy yourself?
Finally, I hope this letter was not long to read. You still have people to teach and you still have many people to love and to serve. And for it, I wish you all the best, and I pray for God to bless you in your life as a student, an active lector and a friend to many.
And I ask you to pray for me, despite my humanity and my frailty. I humbly beg you for it!
From here, I remain your spiritual father, your friend, your brother and companion,
"confidant"
(PS- Tell the Troll immediately of your feelings and reactions on this post, he is much willing to explain, explain further, apologize or what... to you.)
(For other readers who may wish to discern...)
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